~The insights of crappy Jasmine gal~

Friday, June 13, 2008

I am Remy the Rat..

Yesterday i felt like Remy the Rat. You know the rat in the movie, "Ratatouille"? Yeah, that's the one... He loves food, so he tried all ways (eg. toasting on the rooftop, stealing spices from the old woman) to create his masterpieces , which resulted in his community losing their shelter. And I think they blame him for it. Blaming him for not able to accept his fate as a rat and collect rubbish and just be contented.

So that's what happens yesterday or to be more exact, the past one month.. Instead of concentrating on my current stable status, waiting for school to start, i went and change things again.. Obviously the family is not happy, not that they can do anything about it. They have given up hope on me.

I dont know whether it is just me... But i dont like things to be stable. I like changes, though i am also afraid of change. Contradicting, right? More importantly, i want to be "wanted", in all aspects of my life. Wanted by friends, family, boss, boyfriend.. just wanted so that I wont feel so useless sometimes.

But i really feel so guilty yesterday when he looked at me with his sad, fatherly eyes and asked, "Why cant you wait? Cant you give me a few months more?" Unfortunately, i was firm in my decision. I needed to be firm... Told him I am not young anymore. I need to think for my future and this is necessary.

And so that's why i deserved to feel emo last nite enough to go Wala Wala for a drink. And drank so much beer that i overslept on the bus home, to be waken up by the bus driver.. Soooooooo unglam.. sighz..

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